How to Fall in Love with Anyone Summary
“How to Fall in Love with Anyone” by Mandy Len Catron. I have a confession to make because of the title I picked up this book from library, I was thinking it would be a self-help book about the magic of fall in love with anyone I want to, but actually this book is far from it, this is a memoir.
This book is a collection of essays about love stories of her grandma, her mom and herself. The essays actually are very candid, vulnerable and wise expose her personal life. I appreciate Catron’s honesty and all her researches in psychology, biology, history and literature of love.
Her essay ‘To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This’ was published in the New York Times Modern Love column in 2015, I never read Modern Love column in New York Times before, so I didn’t know her article existed until I read this book. As of I know it now, maybe it’s a good practice to test the 36 questions out with my date.
The series of questions formulated by psychologist Arthur Aron 20 years ago which were designed to make two people fall in love, Catron and her acquaintance experimented the questions, but they didn’t fall into love right away, but it brought them closer emotionally and made them to know each other in a more intimate way, eventually they did fall in love and are still in love as of now.
What I think about Modern Love
That’s what she write, “That experience helped us to think about love not as luck or fate, but as the practice of really bothering to know someone, and allowing that person to know you. Being intentional about love seems to suit us well.”
I believe love is all about luck or fate until I read her book. After I read her book and articles, I am thinking that I probably approach love in a wrong way, maybe love is not about luck or fate, it’s about two people really try to work together and open up yourself to the other person for love to bloom. It just like plant a flower in a pot, you need to water it and fertilize it to make bloom, but in modern society, it seems like impossible, because we are too busy on your own things and no one is willing to compromise or sacrifice time and energy for the other person. I don’t sure if I am just too negative about modern love, or maybe because this is only the case in New York City.
I loved all fairy tales I read, and consistently I have been looking for true loves and soul mates. Does those really exist? Maybe what I am looking for, doesn’t really exist in the reality?
In her book we actually share same feelings at some point. At my first eight year long-term relationship, my relationship was same as her and Kevin. I was too young at that time, so I lost track of my own preferences and habits as well, just like Catron. My ex was the center of my universe, I hung out with his friends, and joined all his hobbies, etc. After we broke up, I didn’t even have any of my own friends, all the friends I hung out with was his, I was totally lost myself in that relationship.
After all the bad experiences about love, I start to over protect myself, and I can’t let my guard down. That’s kind of pity, because I am falling into this vicious circle.
I even tried to turn into any religions which can help me to break this circle.
How do I feel about the book
Even this book it’s not really a self-help book I was expected, but this book still helps me to see love and relationship perspective from other person’s eyes. Also she has tons of references and researches I can really look into them and learn more about love.
If you enjoy her book and essays, please read this article as well in New York Times.
Let me know what you think about modern love! Also what you think about her book, we can discuss together!
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